I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
