Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
