And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
