Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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