the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
