Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
