So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
