What did we do last night that was yellow?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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