when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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