It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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