peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You can't just leave with hair like that
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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