just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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