My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
