I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
