i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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