there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
