Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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