So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
