I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
