Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
