It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
