Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
