I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A+ Viking dick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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