So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
