the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
