dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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