Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
