JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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