Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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