we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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