It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
