I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
where does the pee come out of this thing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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