were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
