my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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