You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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