i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
