I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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