They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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