Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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