OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
