Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
