Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
