The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
