like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
