Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is classic penis vs brain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
