he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
