you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
