but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
