Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
