Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
