wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
